Never Allowed to Have It
by riddikuluself
Summary: Thomas is struggling to lose the feelings he had for Jimmy, whilst Jimmy is struggling to accept the feelings he's trying not to gain.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Author note – this is my first published one so… hope you like it :L this is taking off from a wee bit after the Christmas episode ^.^

Thomas's head drooped once, twice… before coming to rest on the table at which he sat. The moonlight was peeping in through the open window, with nothing else to light the room apart from a flickering candle. The cup of tea by his hand was cold.

Hearing the soft thump of hair hitting a surface, Jimmy poked his head out of the storeroom in alarm, terrified of being caught of stealing a slice of half eaten cake. He was half starving, having being worked half to death by Carson all evening for one of many fancy do's the house was holding. Whilst Alfred, the soft lump, had fallen asleep as soon as his head had hit the pillow, Jimmy had just squirmed uncomfortably until hunger overcame him and he had crept downstairs.

He peeked into the dining room, and a wave of relief washed over him as he saw Thomas slumped in his seat. Then alarm – Thomas slumped in a seat, so soon after being beaten half to death?!

He rushed over. 'Thomas!' he hissed, shaking the slightly older man awake. 'Thomas!'

Thomas did not react well to being shaken awake at midnight, flailing slightly as he tried to hit his attacker. Realising it was Jimmy, he grumbled,' I wasn't sleeping… just resting my eyes…'

Jimmy sighed, thankful that his friend was alright. 'Sorry for scaring you, but I was worried…' he stood up straight; the piece of cake in his hand had begun to crumble and he quickly stuffed it in his mouth. Thomas raised an eyebrow, and Jimmy hastily moved on. 'What are you doing down here anyway?'

'Hey, you weren't the only one Carson forced into hard labour all through the evening,' he said, his tone still annoyed, though there was amusement in his eyes now. 'Come on, my tea's cold, am off to bed…' And with a couple of steps he had left the seat and had made his way to the kitchen, before shuffling up the stairs.

Jimmy sighed again. He cared more for Thomas now – they were best friends, always looking out for each other. But Jimmy worried for Thomas even more now – although grateful for what he had done, he was scared for his injuries – and, though he didn't admit it to himself, he was scared Thomas still had feelings for him.

Carefully putting out the candle, he quickly scurried after Thomas, hoping that any sign they had been there during the night was now gone.

Thomas woke up bright and fresh the next morning. His window was open a crack, and the cool October air was floating in, leaving the room feeling a bit chilly. He stretched and quickly changed; the noise outside could only mean that everyone else was awake.

He stepped outside – nearly bumping into Jimmy in the process.

'Watch yourself,' he grinned, before walking swiftly off to go get a bite of toast before going to dress His Lordship.

All morning, Thomas barely had any time to think – but whenever he did, he always seemed to be next to Jimmy, near Jimmy, in the same room as Jimmy… When this happened, he beamed on the outside, laughing at the bad jokes, slapping his friend on the back. But on the inside, he always felt like he'd die a little. He knew Jimmy would never love him like what Thomas felt, and he knew the feeling was already fading. It just hurt so much, to be near what he wanted all the time, but never allowed to have it.


	2. Chapter 2

Never Allowed to Have It – Chapter 2

So sorry for the extremely late update – I signed out and shit happened bla bla but it's the holidays next week, I shall write so much for y'all

* * *

A couple of days had passed since the midnight meeting. It wasn't as if Thomas and Jimmy hadn't been hanging around with each other beforehand, but they both noticed the presence of the other a lot more.

A _lot _more.

It was a fine sunny afternoon – perhaps too fine. The sun was sweltering hot; Jimmy could hardly stay upright in the heat. He glanced at the clock he had just spent too long fixing. 3.30pm.  
He hesitated. Should he ask Carson if he could just take the afternoon…?

He pondered this as he made his way through the dining room, to ask if anyone else felt like taking a stroll with him, when who should come rushing his way but Thomas.

'Ah Thomas, I was just—' Jimmy began, but was instantly cut off.

'Carson gave me the rest of the afternoon off – he said you could join me if you want?' Thomas looked excited and nervous all at once, like an over excited child. Jimmy ignored the little swoop his heart did at the giggling fool.

He beamed.

'I would love to – I was actually going to suggest just going for a walk down through the town or something?'

'Perfect!'

And with barely a second thought to their 'duties' they both went out the door, two friends wanting to unwind in each other's company.

They never made it to town.

The countryside around about were just too nice. Wordlessly, they both simultaneously made their way off the road into the forest, making their way to a favourite spot of the employees of Downton Abbey – a set of logs that had been arranged in an almost campfire-like fashion, in a small clearing that was visible from the road.

The two friends sat down side by side, relishing the weak shade they had plunged in to. The log they had sat on was fairly smooth; Jimmy lay down on it with his head next to Thomas. Had he had his eyes on his friend, he perhaps would have seen the almost mournful look that was cast down on him, but as it was, Jimmy remained ignorant of it.

'This weather… it's just too nice,' he sighed, resting his hands behind his head.

Thomas nodded in agreement, without saying anything. It was nice, being able to sit together in a comfortable silence, Jimmy thought. It wasn't something he was able to enjoy with many people without feeling awkward. He wouldn't admit it now, but he did, in a private, subconscious sort of way, relish the moments he spent with Thomas. He relished the way his head was able to brush against Thomas's leg without having the other man jump away. He relished the fact he was able to admire that gorgeous jaw line from this great angle.

_Woah there._

_ What about a jawline?_

The heat's getting to me, he thought, yes, that's it. He bit his lip. Yes. The heat.

If it was the heat – and that's what he was blaming it on – then it didn't feel like the heat from the sun any longer. It felt like a different kind of heat, a heat inside of him, boiling his blood and-

'I think we should go, we wouldn't want to be late for tea now, would we?' Thomas stood up with a start, seeming embarrassed. For a moment, Jimmy himself felt embarrassed, but then realised that Thomas didn't know what was going on inside his head.

Hopefully.

Instead of showing his discomfort at his recent, disturbing thoughts, he merely smiled, said 'alright then', and together the friends made their way slowly back to the house.

And if they both noticed the fact that they were now walking within mere millimetres of each other, they had both decided not to comment on it.

* * *

So yeah, hope that was worth the wait… I shall be updating more regularly now and will be writing other stuff, yay


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Thomas wasn't happy.

He should be. He knew he should be. He had absolutely nothing to be miserable about.

Apart from the fact that he was most definitely in love with his best friend, and that if he did anything about it he would end up in jail, pushing away everyone that had made an effort not to kill him for being an annoying sod.

He let out a dry sob, and punched his bedroom wall, before composing himself and continuing to change. Now was not the time for these inappropriate thoughts.

Now was the time to be complaining about his sweltering uniform – it was only April, it was still before breakfast, and yet here he was, melting in a little heat. Well, it was just too hot for him.

He sighed, and, giving his shoe a little buff, he made his way down to the kitchen table, knowing that Jimmy would already be down there.

This heat was getting ridiculous, Jimmy thought as he shifted his weight gently from his left to his right side. He was standing in the shade, thank heavens, holding the tray before him as steadily as possible. Of course the ladies would insist on afternoon tea in the middle of a heatwave. How could they have not seen this coming.

Cora, of course, being the sensible woman she was, had insisted on them sitting in the shade. Jimmy was glad. It would have been embarrassing to faint from the heat in front of the ladies of the house, and the visiting Lady Crawley.

And Thomas.

He wouldn't like to faint in front of Thomas.

Good, bold Thomas, standing about a foot to his left, looking equally uncomfortable as he stood with the silver tray with the delicate tea cups balanced on it.

Such a contrast – such precious items being held by a man that could crush them without a single thought with those large, strong hands of his-

He was doing it again. Jimmy shook his head slightly, causing his own tray to jingle slightly, earning him a look of disdain from the Lady Dowager and one of amusement from Thomas.

He looked away from them all, embarrassed.

What was wrong with him?

Thomas rolled his head, hearing his neck crack. He brought the cigarette to his lips, closing his eyes – it had been such a long day. Standing around for an hour doing nothing was surprisingly tiring. All he'd been wanting to do was sit down, relax… Forget about the fact that he was in the lower class of a grand house, just for a while.

He heard the back door creak open behind him – he didn't need to open his eyes to know exactly who it was, and all he did was smile as Jimmy sat down next to him.

'Mind if I have one?' came the ever chirpy voice, cutting through the still evening. Thomas smiled, and looked at him.

'You don't want to smoke.'

'How can you know? Come on, they're good…'

'Well, _I _don't want you to smoke. It's a filthy habit. It'll make you dirty – I prefer you like this.' Thomas cut his little speech short – where had all _that _come from?

From the look Jimmy was giving him, it had definitely been a strange thing for a friend to say, but before he could apologise for dictating as to what Jimmy should and shouldn't do, Jimmy grinned, and slapped him on the back.

'You're never gonna stop looking out for me, are you?'

Thomas merely smiled at this, and closed his eyes again, enjoying the companionable silence.

_No Jimmy_, he thought to himself, _I will never stop looking out for you. Ever._

* * *

So yeah, reviews would be good, I am enjoying writing this one again – here's hoping for a well written build up ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I would just like to apologise; the page breaks I'm putting in just don't seem to be registering so I am going to have to put in NEW SCENE or something where the scene changes… If that's okay with you all ^.^ I really am sorry, I hope it doesn't ruin your reading.

* * *

For springtime, the English weather was simply outrageous. Jimmy let out a small moan of frustration, as he went about polishing the silver. Normally it was something Thomas would do, but the heat seemed to be making it tougher for his injured hand. His poor hand. He was so brave…

Jimmy let out yet another sigh, this time in frustration at himself. _What was he thinking?_ He was beginning to hate himself for these ridiculous thoughts. It's not that they were disgusting or anything, but… he shouldn't really be thinking of his best friend the way a silly girl would as she thought of a handsome prince, whisking her away.

_So he's your handsome prince now, is he?_

His jaw clenched, as he scrubbed the gravy boat just a little harder than he perhaps should have, but the dull pain was enough for him to keep his mind off of Thomas.

At least, until the man himself walked in, only to stop in genuine shock as he saw Jimmy doing his work for him.

Jimmy smiled, and Thomas returned this with an ear-splitting grin, and – was that a blush he saw?

No, of course not.

'You didn't have to do that for me, I can manage on my own,' he started.

'No, I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to do it. You need a break.'

Thomas looked away, clearly embarrassed by the fact that the younger man was doing his job for him.

Jimmy looked back down to his work, as he spoke up again.

'I was actually hoping I could talk to you – there's some sort of spring fair going down in the village, and… well, myself and Alfred and a few of the others were all going, so I just wondered if-'

'Yes, I can come down with you.' Thomas looked back at him, smiling once again. Jimmy beamed with relief.

'Great, we're going down tomorrow – I suppose I'll see you there, I have to go down a tad early… Run an errand…'

'I look forward to it.' And with that blunt, yet not unfriendly statement, Thomas turned and left his friend to finish the work, whilst Jimmy tried to ignore the fluttering in his chest.

*NEW SCENE *

Thomas swang his legs lazily as he sat on the fence, a matter of metres behind the village fete, facing out over an empty field so he could see the sky. He wasn't really bothered about these sorts of things, but Jimmy had asked him here, and how could he refuse that voice?

He let out a long puff of smoke, and put out his cigarette. He was an shit friend. A really shitty friend. Friends don't go falling in love with other friends – especially when the friend in question will never love back.

Thomas knew Jimmy would be milling around in the fairground somewhere, laughing in the early evening sunlight with Alfred and Daisy, with Ivy taking every chance she could get to sidle up to him and flirt. He probably didn't care where Thomas was right now – he'd probably forgotten his invite seconds after asking.

Even so, Thomas was still there, hiding in the shadows, as per usual. He didn't feel like socialising. The only real reason he was here was in case Jimmy managed to get himself into a fight, like the last time there had been an event on. Thomas would not hesitate to throw himself in front of danger for Jimmy, again and again.

*SAME PLACE BUT CHANGING VIEWPOINTS*

It really was a lovely evening, but all Jimmy noticed was the lack of Thomas. He shouldn't notice this much, but he did. He had tried subtly asking the others where they thought he would be – Alfred has merely snorted and made an offensive comment along the lines of 'skulking in the shadows'.

Perhaps not to those exact words, but Jimmy hadn't exactly appreciated hearing the nasty phrase about his Thomas.

_His Thomas?! _Okay, he was definitely going a little crazy.

So that was why Jimmy had slipped away from the group of friends, round behind the tents and stalls. If Thomas was here – and he was sure Thomas wouldn't just ignore an invitation from him – then he probably would be hiding away.

He wandered around for at least 10 minutes, but here in the shadows, with the setting sun, it was hard to see much, even with the light. He didn't really want to call out – he'd feel self-conscious.

Jimmy was just away to give up hope, go back to Alfred and the others, when he saw the tall shadow barely 10 metres away. Jimmy smiled, and hopped over to his friend gleefully, who in turn glanced over and sighed in mock annoyance as he pulled himself onto the fence next to Thomas, arms brushing.

'Why have you been hiding all night? You're missing all the fun,' Jimmy teased. Thomas gave him a look which has 'you're wrong, you imbecile' written all over it.

There was an extremely long pause, in which the two friends simply looked out over the English countryside, and when Thomas spoke again, Jimmy couldn't help but jump at the sudden yet soft sound of that deep voice.

'The real fun is here,' he said, quietly, his mouth turned upwards, 'watching the sun disappear and the stars appear like little candles in the sky.'

For a moment Jimmy was silent. 'You make it sound more romantic than fun, Tom.'

Thomas looked over at him, a puzzled look on his face, before clapping a hand on his shoulder, which remained there. 'Well, fun isn't far off from romance, Jimmy.'

Jimmy hummed in agreement. It was only then that he noticed the close proximity at which they sat from each other, noticed the small strands of hair that fell down into Thomas's face, which he wanted so desperately brush back, noticed the elegant curve of those lips, which he so desperately wanted to feel again.

Thomas's hand moved slightly from Jimmy's shoulder to his neck, and Jimmy shivered as the cold skin made contact with his warm flesh. Oh goodness, they shouldn't be doing this, they really should be stopping now.

And yet he felt his hand make his way to rest gently on Thomas's knee, felt his face move ever so slightly closer, felt their noses brushing, felt the warm breath on his lips. They were so close, and yet Jimmy felt that urge to just be closer…

'Oi, Jimmy! Thomas! You around here?!' Alfred's voice came drifting around from behind them, and they sprang apart like they'd touched a hot flame, Thomas nearly falling off in the process, only to be caught by Jimmy's hand.

'Y… Yeah, we'll be right round!' Jimmy called over his shoulder, voice wavering ever so slightly, before glancing over at Thomas. He looked pale, and was shaking slightly. When they made eye contact, Jimmy felt another shiver go down his spine, but Thomas slipped off the fence before he could react, muttering what was probably an apology and he turned and made his way briskly back in the direction of the house.

'Wait – Thomas wait, I-' Jimmy started, just as Alfred yelled again. He turned hopelessly in the direction of the voice – that great oaf's voice – and when he looked back for Thomas the man was gone.

* * *

So yeah, greatest apologies for me having to type where the next scene is or where the viewpoint changes, and for the slightly longer than normal chapter, but judging by your comments you're enjoying the story, thanks so much for the lovely feedback ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Gah thanks for all these reviews ^.^ I don't know how long how many chapters I should do for this… Let's just see how this goes.

* * *

Thomas shakily plunged his head into the ice-cold water, and held himself there for as long as he could before he came up gasping.

Effing nightmares.

They weren't really nightmares. Just memories really, of the war, and of everything bad that had happened to him. Normally they didn't really affect him – he was too proud for that, and he suffered alone – so he didn't know why he was upset now.

He sniffed, and dried his face hastily, before drawing back his curtains so the weak morning sunlight could creep further into his room. It was a bit early to be up, but Thomas didn't feel like sleeping. An early breakfast, that's what he needed. Getting changed, he snuck down to the kitchen, not noticing that one of the bedroom doors he passed was already open, meaning that someone else was up.

And of course, it just had to be Jimmy.

Thomas froze in the doorway, staring at the back of his friend's head. He hadn't meant for last night to happen… He had replayed that almost-kiss in his head a thousand times over – he was so stupid, how could he have let that happen…

There was no way he was confronting Jimmy now. He backed out the door to leave, turning to go up the stairs, maybe just go sit on his-

Uh oh.

Oh god.

_Don't you dare sneeze Thomas Barrow, don't you dare, he'll know you're-_

Of course. He sneezed. Oh for heaven's sake.

Thomas winced – it was a loud one, and he turned to see Jimmy in the kitchen doorway, a mixture of surprise, nervousness and yet delight on his face.

'Ah Thomas – why are you up so early?'

Thomas grimaced at his misfortune. 'I suppose I could ask you the same thing.'

Jimmy smiled almost sadly. 'I couldn't really sleep, I… I was just thinking I guess.'

Thomas didn't need to ask what he was thinking about – it was obvious, and he looked down, ashamed. 'I am so truly sorry, I didn't mean for… _that _to happen. Nearly happen. Oh god, Jimmy, please forgive me, I-'

'Thomas.' Thomas shut his mouth at the interruption. 'Thomas, of course I forgive you.' Jimmy took a few tentative steps forward, crossing the corridor slowly, and place a gentle hand on Thomas's wrist. Thomas swallowed. 'It was just as much my fault as it was yours. I'm sorry too.'

Thomas's mouth went dry. Jimmy was close, far too close.. He couldn't allow anything to happen, and before he could give in to his secret desires, he pushed Jimmy back a few steps, trying desperately to ignore the look of pain that shot across the younger man's face.

'Right, well. Consider yourself forgiven as well.' He tried to smile, but it was just too hard, so he turned and ran up the stairs as fast as he could, not wanting to look back, for it would hurt too much.

*NEW SCENE*

Jimmy relaxed as he lay back on the bench in the courtyard behind the house. It had been a long, hard day, he just wanted to rest.

He could see Thomas smoking out of the corner of his eye. Neither of them had spoken since the morning, well over twelve hours ago.

Well, they hadn't spoken, but they had exchanged so many glances, each one sending the tiniest of shivers up Jimmy's spine. He knew that it was wrong, so wrong, and yet, as he lay here now, Thomas just a few metres away, he felt strangely peaceful.

Jimmy sat up bolt upright at this revelation, causing Thomas to raise an eyebrow but do nothing other than drop his cigarette carelessly on the ground.

Jimmy turned to face him, a small smile creeping onto his features, which Thomas returned, albeit with a confused frown. Jimmy stood and went to sit with him on the wall, still not speaking. Words didn't need to be said.

He didn't want to speak, to ruin the silence. There was a rumble in the skies just above – it was the first sign of clouds in a couple of weeks.

'Looks like it's going to rain…' Thomas mused quietly, his attention turned upwards. Jimmy watched him, and smiled to himself as the first few drops began to fall onto his friend's face.

All this stuff inside of him, he understood now. Thomas blinked in the sudden downpour, and Jimmy felt something stir inside of him as his black hair was plastered backwards off his face, his head turned back, eyes closed, enjoying the cool water.

Jimmy choked back a slight sob, because he was in love with his best friend, and nothing good could come from that.

* * *

Ooh feelings galore :O I'm enjoying updating more often, all these little glances they're sharing… 8025/7569138460_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sorry for the slight delay… My holidays start tomorrow though ^.^

* * *

'Mr Barrow, you do not have the right to be telling the maids to shine your shoes for you, no matter how naïve they may be!' Carson's booming voice was projected all through the bottom floor of the house, and Thomas winced slightly. Despite himself, he couldn't help but smirk. Those maids were indeed naïve, wanting to warm up to him like that. He had them right in his pocket.

'I am terribly sorry, I assure you I won't think of doing it again,' he replied smoothly, although they both knew he would definitely do it again. However, Carson made no comment, simply shaking his head and sighing before sending the man out of the room to have dinner.

Jimmy caught Thomas's eye as he sat down, and the two friends smiled at one another as the stew was served up. They had to eat quickly, for the household was hosting a dinner tonight, for a Lord Reid. Thomas had never heard of him, and, quite frankly, didn't care, but he was always one to impress.

Everyone ate in silence, before simultaneously getting up to get ready, Mrs Patmore screeching orders at the top of her voice, Carson practically throwing fancy items at Thomas to be polished for what had to be the fifth time that evening.

This, Thomas thought, was going to be a long night.

*NEW SCENE THING*

Jimmy stood awkwardly behind Lady Edith, completely oblivious to the mild conversation going on at the large table in front of him. Beside Edith was Mary, and then Lord Reid was by her for whatever strange reason. He wasn't bad looking, Jimmy thought, though nothing on Thomas.

Again with those thoughts. He gritted his teeth but otherwise did nothing.

It was true though. He had slightly curly strawberry blonde hair, which looked as though it should have been slicked back, and was probably around ten years older than Jimmy. His face was smooth and pale, apart from a bit of unshaven stubble at the bottom of his chin that made him look a little messy, but the overall effect was not unpleasing. He was probably there to be presented to Mary as a possible substitute for poor Matthew. Not that anyone could replace him in her eyes.

Jimmy risked a glance across the other side of the room, where Thomas was serving gravy to the Dowager, who was harping on about something Jimmy would probably never care about even if he paid attention.

He, of course, had focused all of his attention on the man now standing bolt upright behind her, dark hair slicked back, that smug look on his face that was partly emotionless and yet said that he thought he was better than everyone else in the room.

Thomas looked up and his eyes met Jimmy's, and both men felt a shiver go down their spine, but neither of them acted like anything was happening.

*NEW SCENE*

It must have been around 9pm, but Thomas didn't really care. The dinner had, of course, been a success. Carson had dismissed him about half an hour ago, deciding that he and Jimmy could handle the round of drinks afterwards, and that Thomas really did deserve a break. Which he did.

This was why he was now lying on the grass at the edge of the small woodland about a hundred metres from the grand house, enjoying the cool evening and the weak sun on his face.

He didn't have a cigarette. It probably wasn't a good habit, and he didn't like smoking out here where the air was so pure, rather like Jimmy's voice, he thought, that voice was so nice, it was smooth and even when he was stuttering it still sounded nice-

'Would you mind if I joined you?'

Thomas jumped out of his skin, and sat bolt upright, looking up to see – lo and behold – Jimmy standing there, looking perhaps a bit nervous, but Thomas smiled.

'Absolutely. I didn't realise how much time had passed, if you're out here so soon,' he stated.

'Yes, well, I wasn't really paying much attention to what was going on,' Jimmy started hesitantly as he sat down next to Thomas,' but from what I gather, Mary wasn't getting on as well with Lord Reid as much as Lord Crawley was hoping.'

'Why weren't you paying attention,' Thomas said in an almost sarcastic tone,' what could have possibly been more important in your mind than their petty problems?'

'Um…' Jimmy blushed – Jimmy was blushing? Thomas had seen a lot of that lately – 'I don't know, just… things I guess.'

Thomas smiled sympathetically. 'I have things on my mind, too.'

It was only now that he appreciated the soft sunlight basking Jimmy in an orange glow, his eyes glittering slightly in the light, his hair fluttering slightly in the breeze. Thomas knew if they stayed here like this much longer then something very bad was going to happen, but all of a sudden he didn't care.

Jimmy turned and looked him deep in the eye, and smiled softly. Thomas smiled back, then looked down and tried to force the words out of his mouth. 'Jimmy-'

But whatever he had been about to say was quickly cut off as Jimmy leaned forward suddenly, capturing Thomas's lips with his own. Thomas froze for a moment, and didn't have time to react before Jimmy leant back, his face a mask of horror.

'Oh god, Thomas, I'm sorry, I…' he leapt to his feet and backed away. Thomas jumped up too.

'No, wait…'

But Jimmy had already turned and was sprinting away back to the house, and Thomas was left standing alone, knowing that he shouldn't run after him, even if he wanted to.

* * *

Ooh tensions galore


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Oh heavens sorry for the wait, you don't know how long it took for me to write this, I kept changing things

* * *

Jimmy didn't stop running till he was back at the house. He flew in through the back door, racing up to his room, ignoring the muffled yelp of a surprised Ivy and not stopping until he had locked the door, not caring whether or not Alfred may need in later, and flopped down onto the bed.

It was only then that he fully registered what he had just done, and he sat up with his back against the wall, needs up to his chest, face in his hands. A few tears seeped out of his eyes into his hands, and he let out a frustrated sob. How could he have been so stupid? And now he was crying and it was just so much worse and…

'Jimmy? Jimmy unlock the door, I'd like in.' Alfred's obnoxiously loud voice drifted through the door, and Jimmy wiped his eyes.

'Hang on a moment, I'm not decent.' Jimmy slipped off his shoes and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, to make it seem like all he had been doing was getting changed, not sobbing over a stupid mistake.

He unlocked the door and let Alfred in, smiling weakly at him, hoping his eyes weren't too red. They didn't speak as they got ready for bed, and Jimmy didn't dare let his face fall from the blank mask he had put on until the second the curtains were drawn and the room was in darkness. Only then did he push his face into his pillow and let the tears fall silently.

*NEW SCENE*

Thomas lay on his back on top of his bed covers. He had returned back soon after Jimmy, still replaying the brief kiss – if that's what Jimmy had intended it to be – in his mind, and had asked Daisy where he had gone.

'Oh, he's locked himself up in his room in a right temper, Ivy was ever so upset, we all think he's had his heart broken by a village girl or something,' came the ever chipper reply, and Thomas had just flashed her a false smile before heading up to his own room.

He clenched his fists in frustration, staring up at the peeling paintwork of his room, wondering what to do. He sat up several times, considering going to Jimmy's room to confess his love and kiss him and hold him and say that everything would be alright.

But that would never happen. If Jimmy was smart, which he was, then he would never let Thomas into his room ever again. Besides, Alfred would no doubt have a heart attack if he so much as went near the door.

It was with these thoughts that Thomas drifted off into an uneasy sleep, picturing various scenarios of ways to let Jimmy know that he didn't hate him, and that running away had been unnecessary.

It was around 3 am when he woke again, to the sound of his bedroom door softly clicked shut.

*NEW POV*

Thomas sat bolt upright in his bed, and Jimmy took a hesitant step back. It had been a bad idea coming here, he knew it, but lying motionless with Alfred snoring nearby had pushed his limits and he knew he'd just had to come through, but looking at Thomas now, Jimmy just knew he should leave, he hadn't seen him, had he…?  
'Jimmy?'  
Damn.

Jimmy looked up at Thomas, and smiled uneasily. He took in Thomas's tired, confused expression, his tousled hair that still somehow looked sexy, the way his eyes had definitely lit up when he realised who it was before him.

'I just wanted to apologise…' Jimmy took a few tentative steps forward so he stood before Thomas, a silver glow cast on him through the open window. Seeing that he was visibly shaking with nervousness, Thomas turned so he sat cross legged, back against the wall, and patted the spot next to him encouragingly.

Jimmy hesitated for only a second, before sitting down heavily to the left of his friend, but not too close. He didn't look him in the eye, choosing instead to look down at his wringing hands.

'What I did earlier, it… it was uncalled for, I really am sorry. I completely understand if you never want to talk again.' Jimmy's words were forced and hesitant, but he did his best to make sure his voice didn't waver too much.

'Jimmy, look at me.' Thomas's voice was soft and deep, making Jimmy feel smaller, but he looked up anyway, and was slightly startled to see the soft gaze he was met with. Thomas tended to glare at people, so this was a surprise, and Jimmy felt himself relaxing as he looked into the normally cold eyes, which now seemed to fill him with warmth.

'It's alright, and it'll be alright,' Thomas's voice was barely a whisper now, but Jimmy could still feel the breath on his lips as he unconsciously moved closer.

'Can you promise that it'll be alright?' Jimmy's voice wasn't any louder than Thomas's, but it didn't need to be, they sat so close now. He twisted his body slightly so he could move his hand up to Thomas's arm, as though convincing himself that he was really there.

Thomas moved his hand up to Jimmy's neck. 'I promise,' he murmured, before pulling his face forward so their mouths could finally meet, and this time it was what they both wanted.

* * *

I know, FINALLY  
This will definitely be continued in the next chapter ;)


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